“Hello?”
The voice that answers the phone is totally unfamiliar, but…nice. That’s Inoo’s first thought, but upon reflection, he thinks that “nice” is the wrong word. The voice is sexy, in a way he really doesn’t expect people to sound when simply answering the phone—especially not to wrong numbers, which he’s pretty sure this is.
“Uh, who is this?” he asks stupidly, as though this might actually be the gas company that he meant to call.
“This is Yuya,” the person on the other end answers in the same sexy voice, which he must be doing on purpose. There’s a pause while Inoo’s brain continues to short circuit and then the man—Yuya, apparently—asks, in a more normal but still pleasantly husky voice, “Did you mean to call this number?”
“I, um….probably not.” It’s been an exhausting week of long work days, culminating in PV filming that ran late last night and a location shoot this morning, and that’s his only excuse for why he blurts out, “But I guess if I’m going to call a wrong number, I could do worse than talking to you. Your voice is nice.”
“Do you know who you’re talking to?” Yuya’s low chuckle is also pleasant to his ears. “This is a phone sex line.”
Inoo can’t decide if he wants to burst out laughing or curl up in a ball and die of embarrassment, but he manages to do neither. “Oh, shit. How did I manage to call that of all the numbers I could pick? I’m sorry.”
Yuya’s laugh is louder this time, but that’s nice too. “It’s fine. It’s a nice break, talking to someone normally. But you know you’re getting charged for this?”
Inoo grimaces. “Oops, no.” He should hang up. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t, except that it’s kind of pleasant to talk to someone, casually, someone who doesn’t know who he is or what he does or have any expectations at all of him.
There’s a longer pause and then Yuya says, half a question, “I’ll let you go, then?”
“Since I called you, we might as well talk a bit,” Inoo finds himself saying.
“Okay. What do you want to talk about?” There’s a shift in Yuya’s voice, back to the somewhat affected sexy tone he started with—though it doesn’t seem to be that far off from his normal speaking voice.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.” Inoo is somewhat embarrassingly flustered just by that one question, delivered like that. “I just…wanted to talk to someone.”
“Oh.” Yuya’s voice softens. “What’s your name, then?”
Inoo panics for a moment, but Yuya’s only given his first name and there’s no reason he can’t do the same. It’s hardly such an unusual name. “Kei.”
“Kei,” Yuya repeats, and it sounds totally different went he says it. “How’s your day been?”
“Busy. I—“ Inoo catches himself before he lets slip any details about work; how tired is he? But somehow he already feels at ease talking to Yuya, however foolish that may be. “I worked late last night and again early this morning,” he amends.
“That’s rough. What do you do? If you want to tell me, that is.”
“I work part-time in the entertainment industry,” Inoo says vaguely. “And I’m in university.”
“Oh, then you’re probably around my age.”
“I’m twenty-one.” There’s no harm in saying that, is there?
“Oh, exactly the same.” He can hear the smile in Yuya’s voice, and he likes the mental image that comes with it: a young man, not idol pretty, but attractive in a manly way, taller than Inoo and leanly muscled, with an easy smile. “Not that I always ask, but I don’t get many callers around my age,” Yuya continues, oblivious to Inoo’s thoughts. “Usually older people who think it’s hot to imagine having a young lover.”
“Men and women?” Inoo doesn’t know why he asks. Obviously Yuya didn’t have a problem with potentially sexy talking to him over the phone, and that says nothing one way or another about his real life interest. It doesn’t matter what his real life interest is when they’ll never meet, and when Inoo is keeping his own interests quiet.
“My company advertises to both, but it tends to be more men.”
“Oh, you work for a company?” That makes sense, but it’s strange to imagine signing up for a phone sex company the way he joined an idol company. (Though he supposes that sometimes it’s not that different.) “How’d you end up with this job?”
“You know, people don’t ask me that nearly as often as you might think,” Yuya says. “On calls, that is.” He chuckles again, and it never occurred to Inoo that someone could be a natural at sounding sexy, but he sure seems to be.
“It seems to fit you well.” Inoo laughs a little sheepishly, hoping that won’t be taken the wrong way.
“Yes, well…” Yuya’s laugh is a little sheepish too. “That’s how I got here, actually. I was working in a conbini, and one day, a regular customer scouted me. Told me I had the perfect voice for a job he knew about, and gave me a card.”
“That’s true,” Inoo says, and they both laugh. How strangely this night is going, that he’s laughing with a phone sex operator he called by accident maybe ten minutes ago.
“You have to know your strengths, I guess. How’s your job? The entertainment industry sounds pretty brutal, even if you’re just a random part-timer.”
A random part timer, Inoo thinks. It does feel a little like that sometimes, when there’s no work for him despite Yamada being swamped, but on the other hand, he is an idol with his face on magazines, not the minor support staff he’s sure Yuya is picturing. “It’s definitely exhausting sometimes,” he says, “but rewarding too.” That’s the truth, as cagey as he’s being about the details.
“That’s good. Do you want to continue that work after you graduate?”
“Yes,” Inoo answers too quickly, like he’s never had so much as a fleeting thought of quitting, or of wishing he’d never joined Johnny’s in the first place. It’s over ten years since he joined, more than half of his life; what else would he do?
“Well, I hope you can.” Yuya’s casual response distracts him from those kinds of thoughts, and he appreciates that. “I’m happy to keep talking, but do you want to? I feel a little bad, since we’re just chatting.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess so.” Inoo’s finding this conversation surprisingly enjoyable, but he’s tired and he still needs to make the phone call he was trying to make.
“It was nice talking to you, even if it was an accident.”
“Same.” A thought occurs to him belatedly and he says, “I probably should’ve asked this earlier, but can you…I mean, is this secure, I guess?” He doesn’t want to think about what kind of scandal it would be if it got out that he called a phone sex line—and to talk to a guy, at that.
“It is,” Yuya quickly assures him. “I can’t see your name and phone number, and the company is very careful. Nobody would call us if they thought the information would get out easily, after all. Just don’t ask me to explain how it works; I’m terrible with technology.”
“That’s okay. I believe you.” With that concern set aside, Inoo says impulsively, “Yuya, um…” It’s the first time he’s said the other man’s name, but it rolls off his tongue easily. “If I wanted to call again, on purpose…”
“Yeah?” Yuya sounds surprised, but he thinks maybe a little pleased. “This is my direct number. I’m usually on every night except Tuesday and Wednesday, starting at 9:00.”
“Okay.” He can’t believe he’s thinking about calling a phone sex line on purpose, but he also knows that he’ll do it. “Then maybe I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Talk to you soon. Goodnight.” Yuya’s voice drops back into full-on sexy on the last word, and it makes Inoo think of Yuya lying next to him in bed, purring the “goodnight” into his ear. For a moment after the call disconnects, he stays sitting there, phone by his ear, caught up in that thought, but then he shakes himself out of his fantasy and goes to recheck the number he meant to dial.
* * *
A week passes, and then another, and then another, and he doesn’t call again, nor does he tell anyone what happened. What would he even say? “I called a phone sex line by accident and the guy was nice and had a sexy voice, so I talked to him for a while? I don’t know why myself, but I guess I was lonely?”
“Lonely” feels like the wrong word for it, anyway. He has friends, from home and from university, though the second are more distant. He has the Hey Say Jump members, who he does consider friends, not just his work companions. There are people around him all the time, and most of them are good to him. He has a loving family too, not far away.
But sometimes he feels like nobody really knows him, like maybe he doesn’t even know himself. Like he’s spent so long trying to make an impression that he’s lost sight of who he really is under the idol persona. Really, if he’s being less melodramatic, like he realized that he’s probably gay too late to be able to explore it without worrying about causing a scandal that would make a mess of things for him and his group, and he’s frustrated that he’s not just a normal university student who wouldn’t necessarily have an easy time of it either, but could at least worry less about people watching him.
That, if he’s more honest with himself, is a big part of why he didn’t hang up on Yuya, because it was nice to imagine, just for a moment, what it would be like to have a boyfriend he could call after work, just to talk about his day. It was nice even to imagine flirting with a guy, making small talk and feeling each other out to see if they’d be a good match, just for a night or for something more serious. Would he have found an opportunity to experience that by now if he wasn’t an idol?
Three weeks and one day after his initial call, he dials the number that’s saved in his phone. He’s half expecting it to fail to connect or be busy, but a now-familiar voice answers on the second ring, with that same sexy, “Hello?”
“Hi. This is Yuya, right?” Inoo asks, as if he doesn’t recognize the voice.
“It is. Oh, is this, um…what was it? Kei?”
Inoo is somewhat embarrassingly pleased to hear Yuya say his name unprompted. “I’m surprised you remember.”
“I don’t get a lot of callers like you.” Yuya laughs softly just like he remembers. “I didn’t think you’d call again, though.”
“I wasn’t sure I would either,” he lies.
“Well, I’m glad you did. Not just for selfish reasons.” Another little laugh. “So, what do you want to do tonight?”
“Do?” Inoo’s not a pubescent boy, so his voice doesn’t break, but it does waver.
“Relax. I just mean that last time all you wanted to do was talk. We can do that again if you want, but I thought I’d ask, in case you didn’t.”
“Oh, um. What do you do? With other people, I mean, when they don’t just want to talk.”
“Whatever they want.” Inoo waits for more, but there’s a long pause, like Yuya’s expecting him to respond, before he continues, “Do you actually want details?”
“Yes?” Inoo answers somewhat warily.
“It’s just that some people don’t really like being reminded that I have other clients. It ruins the fantasty or something.”
“Oh, no, that’s fine. I won’t get weird about it.” Inoo has enough experience with one side of the idol-fan relationship to know that you shouldn’t read too much into someone being nice to you when it’s their job to do so, to you and many others.
“Okay, well. Some people do just want to talk. Not usually this casually, but pretending to be your boyfriend kind of talking. Low-key flirting. And some people do want, well, phone sex.”
“Isn’t that awkward? You have to say things instead of just doing it, and you’re talking and they’re on the other end doing…whatever.”
“‘Whatever’ is one way of putting it.” He could really get used to hearing Yuya laugh like that, a brief little chuckle low in his throat. “I was really self-conscious about it at the beginning, but you get used to it.”
Inoo thinks about all the things he’s gotten used to doing that would embarrass an average man his age and nods. “I guess you do. As a customer too, probably. A client? Whatever you call them—us.”
“Sure sounds like it,” Yuya says wryly. “Anyway, you don’t have to feel any pressure one way or another, but I wanted to be clear, you know, that you have options if you want.”
Inoo briefly entertains the thought of going all out, letting Yuya talk him through…what, touching himself while fantasizing about Yuya’s hands on him? But the mere thought of it makes him nervous and embarrassed and a lot of other things he’s not ready to examine more closely, so he quickly sets it aside. “Okay. Thanks, but, uh, not this time.”
“Maybe another time?” Yuya’s teasing is light, but it still makes Inoo flustered.
“Uh, maybe, I guess, we’ll see.”
“I’m sorry.” This time he’s startled by the sudden gentleness in Yuya’s voice. Was it that obvious that he was panicking a little? “I’m not trying to freak you out. It’s just habit at this point, you know.”
“What, flirting?”
That gets another little laugh. “Though I‘ve been told that I sound like I’m flirting even when I’m not trying to. Or, actually, that I’m trying to seduce people. Even before I got this job.”
“I can see that.” Yuya laughs again, and Inoo feels calmer, back on more even ground. Banter is something he can do.
“Let’s talk about something else, then. Is work still keeping you busy?”
“Not as much, but there’s a lot more planned soon.” They have a single release coming up, with all the promotions that entails, and then it’ll be right into preparations for their next tour. He’s glad of the work, and he loves doing concerts, but he knows what an exhausting whirlwind tours always are, even without much work on the side.
“Cool. Do you like that, being busy?”
“It’s nice sometimes.”
“I was never a fan,” Yuya wryly admits. “I like being able to relax and go to the beach whenever I want.”
“You like the beach?” Inoo still has no idea what Yuya looks like, but his mental image shifts to accommodate tanned skin and strong abs and pecs above a bathing suit, and maybe longer hair, attractively damp and tousled after being in the water.
“Yeah. I’m really into surfing. How about you?”
It’s Inoo’s turn to laugh. “I’m not that much of an outdoor person, but I guess the beach is nice. I’ve never been surfing. That sounds cool, though.”
“I don’t know about cool, but it’s really fun.” Yuya’s boyish enthusiasm isn’t exactly sexy, but Inoo finds it charming all the same. “What are you into, then, if you don’t like going out?”
“I like music,” Inoo answers idly. They pass a while talking about that, and then somehow transition to food and find their way through several more topics before Inoo realizes with a start that they’ve been talking for almost forty-five minutes. “Oh, it got late,” he says.
“It did, huh? I wasn’t sure I’d have enough to say for just talking, but it’s easy to talk to you.” Yuya’s not flirting—and not even really a friend, given the circumstances—so there’s no reason for Inoo to feel any kind of warm and fuzzy feelings about it, but he can’t quite help himself.
“You too. But I should get going.”
“Sure.” This time Yuya asks, “Will you call again?”
You’re getting silly about this, Inoo chides himself at the little flutter his heart does in response, but that doesn’t stop him from saying, “Yeah, I will.”
* * *
He does call again, just under a week later, and Yuya doesn’t sound surprised to hear his voice. He doesn’t ask about doing more than casually talk, and Inoo doesn’t bring it up either. He would expect to find it difficult to find so much to talk about while still being reasonably secretive about their lives—Inoo especially, given how much of his childhood and his current life revolves around Johnny’s—but somehow they manage it.
“You don’t have to worry,” Yuya says once when Inoo hesitates in the middle of a story about high school that gets too close to mentioning his idol work. “Discretion is part of the job. And besides, I’ve only even told one friend what I do, and it’s not like I can gossip about you without sharing that.”
“I guess not. Isn’t that hard, though, keeping it a secret?” It’s easier to change the subject than to think about how, against his better judgment, he trusts Yuya.
“Sometimes. But I just let my family and everyone else who knows I have a second job think it’s some kind of call center thing. It’s easier to hide it than if I worked at a host club or something.”
“That’s true. Do you think people would have a problem with it, if they knew? Your family, I mean, or your friends.”
“I don’t know.” There’s a pause, like Yuya is hesitating to share something himself. “They do know, mostly, that I’m bi, so that’s not an issue. It’s just the phone sex for pay part that they might not like. And I just really don’t need my family to know that anyway.” His laugh sounds more awkward than usual, and Inoo wonders if he’s nervous, if maybe he didn’t mean to reveal that much.
“That’s good,” Inoo says. “That they’re accepting, I mean.” For his part, he’s still processing Yuya’s words and his own feelings about them. He’s not stupid; he knows that they aren’t and never will be dating, so it shouldn’t make a difference to him that Yuya is interested in guys sometimes. It’s more hearing that he’s been open with his family and friends that gets to Inoo, when he’s still working on just accepting his own sexuality.
“Yeah.” Inoo is about to jump in to change the subject again when Yuya continues, “I don’t know why I told you that. I usually keep things vague, so customers can believe whatever they like. I hope it’s not a problem.”
“No, it’s…that is, I’m…” Inoo chokes on his words, though there’s no reason to be scared. Yuya doesn’t know him in everyday life, and besides, he must have made assumptions based on Inoo wanting to keep talking to him after finding out that this is a phone sex line. It’s just different to say it out loud, both because he hasn’t said it before and because it’ll make it harder to pretend—including to himself—that he’s enjoying their conversations in a purely platonic way.
“You don’t have to say it,” Yuya assures him. “Only if you want to.”
“I…” Inoo takes a deep breath to steady himself. “Let’s talk about something else, okay?”
“Okay.”
They talk for almost as long as the last time, until Inoo’s heart rate slows to normal and he feels comfortable again. At the end, without even thinking about it, he says, “Talk to you soon,” and he’s relieved that Yuya doesn’t hesitate to say the same.
* * *
The next time he calls, he’s tired but happy after a good music show appearance. “Sounds like you’re in a good mood today,” Yuya comments.
“Yeah. Work was fun today.”
“Nice. I guess your job is probably more exciting than mine, at least on the good days.”
“I guess, although I don’t get any orgasms out of it.” Too late, Inoo’s sleepy brain catches up and realizes he’s not talking to an old friend he can just say things like that to like it’s nothing. “Uh, I mean…”
To his relief, Yuya laughs. “I don’t as often as you might think,” he says. Then, somewhat sheepishly, “I probably shouldn’t have told you that. I’m supposed to maintain the illusion that I’m always super into it, at least if people want me to be.”
“I won’t tell anyone.” This feels good too, talking to Yuya like they’re friends, though he tries not to get too carried away.
“I appreciate that.” They lapse into silence and Inoo is just starting to worry that he crossed a line after all when Yuya says, “Kei, um…maybe I shouldn’t ask this, but…why do you keep calling?” Inoo’s heart sinks, but Yuya hastily continues, “I’m not asking because I mind. It’s nice talking to you. I’ve just never had a caller like you, who wants to talk normally and nothing else. It makes me wonder if you do want something else and you’re just too shy or too scared to ask for it.”
The silence feels heavier now, though Yuya’s question is gentle and without judgment. It’s a fair question to ask, at this point. It’s just not easy for Inoo to answer when he’s not sure he knows himself what he wants, let alone how he can explain his situation without telling Yuya far more than he’s willing to reveal.
“Kei?” Yuya asks when the silence stretches out too long. Somehow Inoo thinks about his bandmates calling him Inoo-chan, and imagines how the nickname would sound out of Yuya’s mouth. He thinks he’d like it, as much for the implied closeness as anything else, and it worries him that he wants that.
“Sorry.” Inoo takes a moment to gather himself. “I do like talking to you. It’s…it’s complicated to explain, but it’s nice for me to have someone to talk to like this, without any history or assumptions or baggage. But it’s also…I realized later than I probably should have that I’m…gay.” It’s easier than he thought it would be to get the word out, and to admit it to Yuya. “But I haven’t really…ugh, you’re going to think I’m a total loser.”
“Tell me.” Yuya’s voice is still so gentle Inoo doesn’t know what to do with it.
“There are reasons for it that I don’t want to talk about, but I’ve never had sex. I’ve never even…” He breaks off with a bitter laugh. It’s ridiculous to say that he’s never flirted with anyone when he’s done it to the members or a camera a hundred times over, but he’s never flirted and meant it, at least not since he realized why he was never excited about trying to find girls to date in high school. “So maybe I did think talking to you would be a chance to see what it’s like. Not sex, just…”
“Picking a guy up?” Yuya offers diplomatically.
“Yeah, something like that.”
“That’s fine.”
“But maybe also…” He’s said this much. Maybe Inoo can admit, to Yuya and to himself, that that’s not all he wants. “Maybe I do want to try something else. I don’t know if I’ll like it, but maybe.”
“We can if you want,” Yuya says. “And if you change your mind, there’s no pressure.”
“Okay.” The thought feels somewhat unreasonably terrifying, but also exciting, and he can’t pretend he doesn’t want it. “Not tonight, though. Next time?” He needs some time to prepare himself, and to be sure that he wants to go through with it.
“Sure. Whenever you want.”
Inoo thinks things might feel tense after that, but they go back to chatting normally with surprising ease. He knows better than to think that Yuya is really his friend when he’s paying for the privilege and keeping so much from him, but it does feel like they fit well together, in this limited context. He appreciates that for what it is.
When it comes time to hang up, Inoo says, “Talk to you soon,” and doesn’t think too hard about what Yuya might be implying when he says, more like his deliberately sexy voice than usual, “Until next time.”
* * *
The idea stays there floating around in the back of Inoo’s mind, never quite out of sight, of what will happen the next time he calls. Will he like it? Will it be terribly awkward? Will he chicken out? How will it even work? How will Yuya sound when he’s actually trying to seduce him, and will Inoo ever be able to stop thinking about it once he hears it? Will it feel good or will it be disappointing when what he really wants is to be with someone in person, someone he can kiss and touch and be touched by in return?
He means to wait a little longer—not for any particular reason except that he doesn’t want to look too desperate, and maybe he’s still nervous—but in the end, he calls four days later. Today was day two of concert preparation dance rehearsals and he’s sore and drained, but still kind of buzzing mentally, not ready to try to sleep yet. He takes a bath, changes into comfortable clothes, and, when he still wants to do it, sits down on his futon, leaning against the wall, and dials Yuya’s number.
“Hello?” Yuya answers the phone with that same purr he always uses, but apparently Inoo’s more wound up than he realized because it sends a little shiver of anticipation through him.
“Hi. It’s me. Um, Kei.”
“I recognize your voice,” Yuya says, faintly amused. “How are you?”
“Good. I, uh…” He hesitates, trying to think how he can share about his day without giving too much detail. Random part-time entertainment industry workers wouldn’t be spending the better part of their day dancing. “I took this dance class,” he lies, “at school. It was fun but it really kicked my ass.”
“First time?” Yuya asks.
It takes Inoo a second to remember that they’re not talking about sex yet. “No, but…first time in a while. It’s always rough, using muscles you forgot you had.”
“I’ll bet.” There’s a beat of silence that’s probably only awkward in Inoo’s head and then Yuya asks, his voice dropping lower, “Kei?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you just want to talk today?” That’s definitely suggestive, not just Yuya’s naturally occurring sexiness, but after a moment, he adds, more softly, “We can, if you’re too tired, or if you changed your mind.”
“I…” Inoo swallows hard, bracing himself. “I didn’t change my mind. I am tired, but not that tired. I just don’t know how it works.”
“That’s okay. I do,” Yuya jokes, and Inoo laughs louder than it really merits. “Is there anything in particular you want or should I wing it?”
“I don’t know.” I want you here so we could do this for real instead of just talking, he thinks, but that’s not entirely true. It’s easy to forget with Yuya, but Inoo is paying for his time. It’ll feel strange enough paying for him to do what his job is supposed to be. Inoo can’t imagine paying him to actually have sex. He doesn’t think he’d like that, having his first time (for real, not just in this kind of fantasy) be with someone who wasn’t there purely by choice, because he wanted to be with Inoo.
“We’ll wing it, then.” Another pause, and when Yuya continues, Inoo thinks that this is probably what he sounds like all the time with some of his clients, low and flirty and just a little rough. “Close your eyes. Pretend the phone is gone and I’m right there next to you, saying it into your ear. What are you wearing?”
“Just shorts and a t-shirt. Pyjamas, basically.” Inoo obediently closes his eyes and tries to imagine Yuya next to him, not a clear mental image but a vague sense of someone warm and solid beside him, purring into his ear.
“Good. Do you want me to take my time?”
Inoo shivers a little at the phantom press of Yuya’s lips on the shell of his ear, the thought of hearing his voice entirely unadulterated by the phone connection. “No.” His own voice comes out small and the tiniest bit unsteady.
“Don’t be nervous, even if it’s your first time. I’ll make it good for you.” It’s not fair, that hint of gentleness mixed into his seductive tone. “Touch yourself on top of your shorts and imagine it’s me. The palm of my hand on the base of your dick, fingers reaching down the length of it, feeling it grow.” Hearing Yuya say “dick” gives Inoo a moment of What am I doing? panic, but it passes the second he does as he’s told, palming his dick over his clothes. “Are you getting hard?”
“A little.” He shifts his hand as the blood rushes downward.
“Only a little? Am I not turning you on enough?” Inoo is never going to be able to hear Yuya’s little laugh again without thinking of this, of touching his dick that suddenly feels a lot harder.
“That’s a little better.” He’s surprised at how easily the teasing words come to his lips. That’s what he’s like, generally, but he’s never thought about whether he’d be like that in bed.
“Take your shorts off. I want to see.”
You can’t see, protests a stubborn part of Inoo’s brain that isn’t immersed in the fantasy, but he ignores it and does as he’s told, awkwardly pulling his shorts off with one hand while still holding the phone. “Done.”
“Good. Are you wearing underwear?”
“No.”
“Excellent. Close your eyes again.” Inoo hadn’t really registered that he’d opened his eyes, so he’s surprised that Yuya realized, but then, he does have experience with this. That’s not a nice thought to have right now, so Inoo pushes it aside and brings his free hand between his legs again. He breathes in sharply at the touch and Yuya says, “That’s what I like to hear. Don’t hold back.”
“Okay. I won’t.” Inoo strokes himself as he says it, and his voice wavers.
“Touch yourself like I’m there with you,” Yuya eggs him on. “Like it’s my hand on you and I’m watching you fall apart. I bet you look so pretty right now, pink cheeked and breathless. So desperate already with your legs spread, slumping into me.” Inoo’s legs unconsciously spread wider at his words, and Yuya isn’t really there for him to lean on, but he does slump more into the wall as he moves his hand in steady strokes.
“You said you didn’t want to take your time, so let’s not hold back,” Yuya continues, and Inoo picks up the pace. A moan escapes him as his thumb slides over the head and Yuya almost growls, “Yes, like that. Don’t be shy. Let me hear everything this is doing to you.”
Is it doing anything to you? Inoo wants to ask, but he’s not so far gone that he doesn’t know that would be a foolish question. Instead, he sticks to his fantasy where maybe Yuya is rubbing off against him as his hand moves on Inoo, his imagined moans a low rumble in his ear. That’s enough to make him moan again for real, feeling like it won’t take long at all to come.
“Will you beg?” Yuya asks, more a request than a command. “Ask me for more.”
“T-touch me,” Inoo gasps out with barely a hesitation. “More. Faster. Please.”
Is he imagining the harsh breath Yuya draws in? He probably is, but it doesn’t matter. He likes it, likes the thought of Yuya getting impatient too, stroking faster in an effort to tip Inoo over the edge. “Whatever you want,” Yuya says, and that fits right in with his fantasy. “I want to make you feel good. Are you close?”
“Um.” It’s not like Inoo’s never touched himself before, but he’s so up in his head right now that he’s not sure how it’ll go. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Come for me, then.”
Maybe it’s Yuya’s words or maybe he really was close, but it only takes a few more strokes and then he’s gone, hips jerking up toward the circle of his fingers as he gasps out and emphatic, “Fuck.”
Yuya chuckles at the sound, but then he murmurs, “Perfect,” in a way that goes right to Inoo’s dick and his flushed cheeks at the same time, makes him squirm as the pleasure of his orgasm fades into a kind of happy weariness.
Only in the ensuing quiet does the situation really register again. He’s not lying here, slumped over his pillow, with a hot guy at his side, a boyfriend or even just a one night stand. He’s here alone, with come on his own hand, on the phone with a guy he has never and will never meet in person, a guy who does the same thing they just did with other people five nights a week. It was a nice orgasm, but it wasn’t really like sex with another person—or even phone sex with someone he actually knows, someone who wants him.
“How are you doing?” Yuya’s voice is still a low murmur, but more gentle now, not trying to be sexy, like he suspects that Inoo is having a bit of a freakout.
“I don’t know,” Inoo admits. He’s not angry at Yuya, who did exactly what he asked, or even at himself. He’s not sure he even regrets it, not really. He just wishes things were simpler, that he could have met Yuya in a bar or at some university activity or through a friend and taken him home for real. He wishes he could be happy going out and picking up a girl the way, dating restrictions or no, many of his fellow Johnny’s do, instead of worrying about how much bigger of a scandal it would be if he got caught picking up a guy. He’s not popular; they probably wouldn’t hesitate to cut him loose.
“Don’t overthink it, okay?” Yuya says. “It’s just sex, even if it’s not quite the traditional kind. If you liked it, we can do it again, and if you didn’t, we don’t have to.”
“No?” He can’t imagine going back to talking to Yuya like nothing has changed after this, but he’s not sure that’s what he wants anyway. As messy as his feelings are right now, he did enjoy it.
“No,” Yuya says firmly. “Look, you said you were tired. Get some rest and think about it in the morning.”
“That’s probably smart.” He is tired, and noticing his sore muscles again now that the immediate buzz of orgasm is past.
He’s surprised to hear Yuya laugh. “I don’t often get accused of being smart.”
Inoo laughs too, and feels some of the tension in his mind fade away. “Everyone has their moments.” Smiling to himself, he doesn’t consider whether it’s true or not as he says, “Goodnight. Talk to you soon.”
If Yuya has any doubts of his own, they don’t show as he responds, “Goodnight.”
* * *
In the morning, Inoo does indeed feel calmer. A little sad, that this is all he can have right now (or maybe just all he’s ready for), and a little embarrassed, and a little nervous about what comes next, but it feels much more manageable. Last night’s activities felt good and they felt comfortable, even though Yuya is someone he’s only known for a few weeks and doesn’t really know as more than a disembodied voice at the other end of the phone line. Where’s the harm in it?
He wishes fleetingly that he could text Yuya, some sort of joke about I guess you really are smart, but they don’t have that kind of relationship and he can accept that, he thinks. He doesn’t have much choice. Luckily, if there’s one thing he’s learned from being an idol, it’s that he can make peace with things he doesn’t have much choice in and learn to live with them.
Instead, he calls only three days later, on a night when there are things he should be doing (schoolwork, or cleaning his apartment), but nothing he really needs to do. Yuya answers as usual, and it occurs to Inoo to feel surprised that he’s never busy. “You always answer right away when I call,” he says without responding to Yuya’s greeting. “Do you actually have other customers?”
Yuya laughs at that. “You just have good timing. But I don’t talk to other people non-stop, if that’s what you’re imagining. There’s a reason I kept my day job.”
“I would’ve thought you’d be very popular.”
“I do okay. But a lot of people want video chats these days, or meeting in person, and I don’t want to get into that.”
“That makes sense.” For a fleeting moment, Inoo thinks that he’d like it if Yuya did do those things, but they’re good over the phone, and he would never take the risk of inviting Yuya to meet in person, not if he could also be spotted meeting other people in ways that could arouse suspicion about his job.
“Anyway, how are you?”
“Not bad.” They chat for a while, and it’s a relief to see that they can still talk normally, like last time didn’t change anything.
When there’s a lull in the conversation, Yuya asks, casual but still somehow unfairly sexy, “Do you just want to talk today?”
The question catches Inoo off guard, though he should have expected it and on some level, if he’s honest, he was waiting for it. He swallows hard before answering, “No. I don’t just want to talk.”
“I wasn’t sure,” Yuya says. “It seemed like maybe it was a bit much for you last time.”
“It was…yeah,” Inoo meekly agrees. “I didn’t quite know what I was getting into. But I did…like it.”
“Good.” Yuya sounds genuinely pleased, but Inoo reminds himself that if he is, it’s just because he did well at his job and won himself continued business, not because he’s somehow happy about getting Inoo off.
“But doesn’t it get boring after a while?” Inoo asks. “In the end, it’s just me and my hand…”
“You’d be surprised.” Inoo doesn’t know what to make of that, but in any case, Yuya continues, “You just tell me if you’re getting bored and we’ll figure something out. But it was good that way last time? Some people don’t have much of an imagination and I have to spell things out more.”
“Yeah, it was good. I—“ He breaks off, remembering to feel embarrassed.
“Tell me,” Yuya prompts.
“My imagination’s fine,” Inoo says dryly.
Yuya laughs. “Okay. Let’s work with that, then. Where are you now?”
“At home,” Inoo answers reflexively. “I guess that’s obvious, huh? I’m sitting on the couch.”
“Is it big enough for two?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Then close your eyes and imagine me sitting next to you. Touch your lips with your finger, like a kiss.” Inoo has at least kissed someone before, though it’s been quite a few years and all he really remembers is that it was awkward. He doesn’t think a finger on his lips is much like a kiss, but he can dream, at least, of Yuya’s mouth hot on his, of words murmured against his lips and hands cupping his cheeks. It’s enough for him to start getting turned on already.
“I want to feel you open up for me,” Yuya says, and Inoo pretends that he really means it. “Let me taste you.” He gives Inoo a moment to think about that before continuing, “Or maybe put my finger where yours is. Trace your lips with the tip, nice and slow, then slide it past them.” Without thinking too hard about it, Inoo does what he’s saying, sliding his own fingertip into his mouth. It doesn’t make him feel anything one way or another until Yuya says, “Would you suck on it like a tease? Are you that kind of person?”
“I am,” Inoo says around his finger, with a little laugh, and wonders if Yuya can hear that it’s there.
“That’s hot. Do it, then. Suck it like you’re ready to put your lips around my cock.”
Inoo’s breath catches. It almost feels like too much, but he thinks he likes it. “I’ve never…but I guess you already know that.”
“You might just be a natural.” Yuya’s voice goes softer, cajoling. “Try it.”
Inoo does, pushing his finger further in and pursing his lips around it. He imagines Yuya watching him and getting turned on by the sight, and he imagines really sucking Yuya’s dick, his lips spread wider around something hot and hard and thick instead of his own delicate finger. He doesn’t know if he’d like it or not, but he wants to try, and he puts that want into sucking harder on his finger. “You’re such a tease,” Yuya mutters like he can really see it, a strange mix of complimentary and chiding. “You know what that makes me want to do? It makes me want to suck you off myself.”
Fuck. That’s not where Inoo thought this was going, but it’s very effective; he doesn’t know when he suddenly got so hard.
“How does that sound?” Yuya asks.
“It sounds amazing,” Inoo answers honestly.
“Good. Lie back, then.”
It’s not, obviously, an actual blowjob—and unlike a handjob, Inoo has no frame of reference for what it would feel like—but as Yuya talks him through it, all he knows is that it’s good, Yuya’s sensual voice talking him through it and the mental image of Yuya kneeling in front of him, mouth wrapped around him, almost enough to make him forget that it’s just his hand wrapped around him.
“Do you want to come in my mouth?” Yuya asks, breathy enough to sound like he is actually giving head.
“Yes,” Inoo answers immediately, unthinkingly.
“Do it, then,” Yuya says, and Inoo does come, good and hard, his eyes squeezed shut tight enough to push away reality.
It’s better this time as Inoo comes down. He mumbles a “Thank you” and then they sit in silence for a while as his breathing evens out. He still feels a little…wistful, maybe, is the right word, but he’s not going to overthink it.
At last, Inoo says, “I guess I see what you mean, about keeping it from getting boring.”
Yuya does his sexy little chuckle. “You make it pretty easy, compared to some people.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment, I guess.” Inoo laughs, and he’s glad that it feels comfortable to do that, even as he’s sitting here naked from the waist down. “I’m curious to see what else you have in store for me.” He hopes that doesn’t sound presumptuous, but isn’t it what Yuya wants, for him to keep calling?
“I’ll see what I can do,” is all Yuya says.
“Talk to you soon, then.”
“Goodnight.”